The I Don't Know
After spending so many hours of so many days working on application materials and studying for the LSAT (apart from my everyday responsibilities), it became very easy to lose myself in the flurry of pre-law school chaos. So easy, in fact, that when the storm finally passed and I had nothing else left to do but wait for admission decisions, it was difficult to remember what I did with my days before embarking on the graduate school application train.
It is very easy for me to deep dive into what needed to be done to get myself from point A to point B. For me, point “A” was actively deciding to apply for law school and point “B” was getting admitted into law school. Getting everything in order, from the LSAT to letters of recommendation, wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. But alas the day to say goodbye and throw my proverbial hat into the ring came (as it always does) and suddenly there was nothing left for me to do. No more games to practice, no more essays to edit, no more. Only waiting.
There is a great underestimation of waiting for things, especially for a person like me who constantly wants to be in the know. So, what quickly became a looming question mark for me was how can I be in the I don’t know and be okay?
It wasn’t until I was able to talk to some friends of mine about what law school is actually like that I was able to re-structure my perspective of this I don’t know period in my life. Once the law school chapter of my life begins, I won’t have time for I don’t know. I won’t be living in a state of stillness and consistency, but in a state of flux. While I knew this in theory, hearing about the soul-crushing reality of law school from people I am close with made it all the more real for me that I needed to carpe diem this moment in my life.
So, I decided to take advantage of the uncertainty and involve myself in things that I otherwise will not have the time for once I start law school – like elaborate cooking, movie and television-thons, reading books I wouldn’t normally read, and planning short and long travel plans. And while some things are more realistic than others, I can say that focusing on my interests and curiosities, once dormant when I started applying for law schools, has proven to be a really great way to get back in touch with myself.
For everyone looking to apply to law school, medical school, or graduate school of any kind – I could not recommend this enough (once I am in law school I will be able to recommend this even more emphatically I imagine). Rack up all of the mental, emotional, physical, and intellectual health points as you can before your I don’t know time is up.
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