iōLit
  • Who we are
    • In Support of Black Lives and Voices: How You Can Help
    • Book Reviews
    • Love Yourshelf
    • Reading Night 2019
  • Submit
  • Issues
    • Volume 1
    • Volume 2 >
      • Featured Artist_Mia
    • Tales From Six Feet Apart >
      • Featured Artist_Ariane
    • Volume 3 >
      • Featured Artist_Jiesha
  • Online Publication
  • Editing Service
  • Store
  • Subscribe
  • More
    • Contact us

Isabelle's
blog

On being here as I go

7/20/2018

0 Comments

 
Staying present has always been a bit of a challenge for me. I am a worrier (but, hey, at least a self-aware worrier), so I spend a considerable amount of time mulling over the past or the future instead of where I am now.

Lately, I’ve done a lot of this mulling over packing and unpacking boxes as I move out of my now former apartment. There’s a lot to think about — I’m in the middle of transitioning to grad school at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. As I type this, my belongings are piled in my parents’ living room waiting to be squeezed into my car for the 16-hour drive to my new home.
Picture
Photo by @chuttersnap on Unsplash
I am in a strange state somewhere between nervousness and exhilaration. I feel nervous smoothing out all of the logistics of moving to a new place yet excited about the prospects of studying English as a Second Language and growing as a student. I am a marble rolling between these places, experiencing the lightness of excitement over the anxiety of preparation. I’ve taken feeling “all over the place” to a brand new dimension.

While I have thought A LOT about the immediate future — a.k.a. my to-do list — I have only thought in small glimpses about how complex of a change this new beginning will be.

I haven’t thought at length about what it will be like living in a completely new area across the country studying a field that intrigues me as much as studying English and Spanish did as an undergad. I know I’ll feel refreshed to be immersed in the inner workings of teaching as a student and teaching assistant. Yet, even though this will be a reality within the next month, the change feels so radical that it hasn’t completely settled. 

When I have experienced big changes in the past, I tend not to feel their vigor until I am in the moment. Before the “big change,” I become engrossed in the practical tasks necessary to reach it. This one is no different; instead of acknowledging the grand scheme of this change, all I can manage to think about is what’s right in front of me (in this case, the pile of boxes). 

I want, instead, to work toward a mental state of presence and belonging in the wake of this transition. I want to trust that I will take care of the logistics as I did in the past, rather than become distracted by them and miss the light ahead. 

In order for me to be present right now, I have to accept that change can be stressful. That part I can’t ignore. But it can also be thrilling and hopeful and inspiring, and I've decided I don’t want to miss it as it happens.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Isabelle Cavazos

    Archives

    December 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Picture

Home

Submit
Privacy Policy
Author's Rights/Terms of Agreement

Editing Service Terms and Conditions

Read​ with us

​Goodreads

Publications

Issues
Refractions

Support us

Instagram
Twitter
Donate
© COPYRIGHT 2022. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
  • Who we are
    • In Support of Black Lives and Voices: How You Can Help
    • Book Reviews
    • Love Yourshelf
    • Reading Night 2019
  • Submit
  • Issues
    • Volume 1
    • Volume 2 >
      • Featured Artist_Mia
    • Tales From Six Feet Apart >
      • Featured Artist_Ariane
    • Volume 3 >
      • Featured Artist_Jiesha
  • Online Publication
  • Editing Service
  • Store
  • Subscribe
  • More
    • Contact us