This post is dedicated to my sanity, that surprisingly hasn't left me, and chocolate, which is probably the sole reason I'm still sane. This brief post is simply a heads up that I'm still alive despite a severe lack of sleep, motivation, personal spending money, and patience as the semester comes to a close and a short reflection of my first year in grad school.
Hint: I'm more burned out in one year than 4 years of undergrad and k-12 combined.
Honestly, the year has been good. I feel like I've accomplished a lot, and that's coming from someone who lives in a endless spiral of never feeling like she does enough. I've managed to survive on my own without Ma's cooking. THIS IS A FREAKING MIRACLE, I TELL YOU! Dude, you try living without plantains, rice and beans, stewed chicken, etc. It's not that I couldn't learn how to make these recipes (trust me, I've tried), its that I'm a kitchen hazard (and a little bit of a pyro) and no one will ever make it as good as Ma. I left myself open to change in some ways and disappointed myself in others. I made new friends, learned more about myself while growing as a teacher, and adulted successfully. I'm basing that last one on the fact that I actually have savings for the summer and haven't blown every paycheck on video games.
My mentor told me a few months ago to be "gentle" with myself, and I'm trying the best I can. This last semester has been particularly hard. I had a few sudden and very unexpected deaths in the family and was left an emotional mess. This Capricorn is super closed off when it comes to personal emotions and a lot of times I deal with the tough stuff by drowning myself in work. I am guilty of doing that the last few weeks. I also just hate people seeing me cry. At the same time, I'm proud that I was able to reach out to others when I needed to and can recognize when I'm isolating myself. That being said, the momentary panic that struck me today when I heard my grandfather was in the hospital with pneumonia (he's ok, complaining endlessly until they let him go home lol) definitely reminded me to keep taking every day slowly.
Okay, back to the positive! With only 3 weeks left until the semester ends, I need good juju and vibes sent my way, ya'll. I'm excited for the summer. While I will (hopefully) be working and taking one online class, I should have much more time to chill. Also, my parents are coming to see me at the end of May, so that's super exciting! Ma promises to leave me a bunch of frozen food cause she swears I'm starving, lol. I also volunteered to pet sit a sweet pooch for a week towards the end of the summer! Lastly, one of my closest friends should be moving in with me in August and will be attending the same grad program next year! Wait...I said lastly but there's more and I refuse to remove that transitional phrase, so here ya go: my bestie and I are going to reunite in Hawai'i December 2018 after what will be two years. So 2018 will continue to be lit. The only thing that could make it better at this point would be...a trip to the Bronx to see fam, some love-interest in my future, and decent progress on my thesis.
Some pictures of me and some of the places I've seen! I'm not a professional photographer so don't expect anything grandiose!