Fade

poem by Jenica Lodde

How much do I weigh/after I’ve voided my bowels/before I’ve had my coffee/and how much do I weigh/after I’ve voided my bowels/ but also/ had my morning coffee/and how much do I weigh/at 3 o’clock when I’ve only eaten the edge off a slice of pizza/and how much do I weigh at midnight/when I haven’t eaten any bread/at all/and how much do I weigh/ in the morning/after eating salty salad dressing/and also how much does my heart weigh/they say the soul weighs one ounce/how much do I weigh after I’ve taken off my hair tie/or when I’ve left my panties on the bathroom floor/how much do I weigh when I’ve had a glass of lemon water/two days in a row/how come my flesh is so worthless/that I can improve myself by eliminating myself/how much does my/soul weigh/how much does my laughter cost/how much is my pussy worth/depends on the shade/what about my mouth/if you open the door for me does that mean/I’ve erased myself enough/to be noticed/does it mean that you’re saving me from a weight I can’t lift/am I light enough for you to carry me over the threshold/can you compare my waist to an apple/or a stem/evolution/you say/down back through the/time vortex/they all wanted the same thing/proportions/and ratios/making money/hand over fist/they want things that can be weighed and counted/they want/the right numbers/in the right places/they give everyone a number/they can’t measure the feeling/I give them/when they lose themselves/in the void/and their edges fade/and that makes them rage/back to the numbers/you make a fist so you don’t lose yourself/I break off my thorns/to turn myself into something/you want to hold.  ​

About the writer

Jenica Lodde is a poet, jewelry designer, and mommy. Her poems are forthcoming in SWWIM and Word Fountain. Her jewelry can be found at ThepaperFuchsia.etsy.com. She lives and works in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

She also posts frequently to Instagram under the handle "Vineleafpoems."